Headlight Protector Kit

Dead Celebrities Crazy People Insist Are Still Alive But in Hiding

Where he is now: Fancy it or not, our sources tell us Elvis is still in Memphis, living in a subterranean retreat hundreds of feet below Graceland. Out of this secret installation, he carries on the business President Nixon charged him with during his visit to the White Quarter in 1970: He's a Federal Agent At-Large (very large, these days, with all those peanut butter 'n' banana sandwiches) in a clandestine set of the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs. Apparently, he vacations in—no witticism—Las Vegas, which provides the perfect cover with all those Elvis impersonators. In details, one of Paste's deep-cover reporters recently ran into old E at a Burger Majesty not far from the strip. Halfway through his large fries, he turned to our man and said, "Could ya please obsolescent the ketchup?"

2. Tupac Shakur Where they are now: For years, while Scheider made less-than-star appearances in B movies like Jaws and The French Link, his career seemed like it was going nowhere. But then came salvation in the arise of acclaimed TV series seaQuest DSV, where—along with teen-heartthrob co-pre-eminent Jonathan Brandis (who also starred alongside Chuck Norris in the epitome coming-of-age film Sidekicks)—he finally realized his faithful potential, and along the way discovered a secret that would forever change his and Brandis' lives. During a zap for seaQuest, animal co-star Darwin the Dolphin (whom they could down with on the show), actually began speaking with them when other cast and crew were not offer. Paste's powerhouse investigative division, which, smartly, had several chasmal-cover reporters hiding under tarps on set, was able to condition the news that Darwin told Scheider and Brandis (also a colleague of the famed "27 Club") that they had been chosen by Lord Quintron of the planet Vaxstar 9 to lavish the rest of their lives entertaining the citizens of the Lost Borough of Atlantis. Though no explanation was given, Brandis' departure swain was in 2003, and Scheider's in 2008. Now, the former co-stars have finally been reunited, and—after riding Darwin the Dolphin's back unalloyed through a wormhole somewhere inside the New Jersey Parallelogram—are living the amerce life, running a theater company in Atlantis. Where he is now: Morrison always referred romantically to Africa in his latter years, so after he faked his ruin, it was the first place he went. Of course, living in a decaying outpost in the Congo always sounds cured in theory. Six months later, he returned to the States, bought a harmonica, a truckload of Budweiser, ten-thousand packages of Ho-Hos, a palette of lined article books, and lit out for the Louisiana Bayou. The Budweiser was gone in a week, but Morrison rationed the Ho-Hos, which he still lives on (in besides to the occasional barbecued king snake), and can still be heard by the municipal swampfolk as he drifts in his fan boat blowing his harp and singing John Lee Hooker covers. The construction books were also put to use, but not how you might think. By 1975, Morrison realized he absolutely kinda sucked at the whole poetry thing, so he began review children's books. After years of false starts, he definitely had success publishing a series of fantasy novels under the name J.K. Rowling, and is appealing much set for life, even with the "living" Doors hogging all of his music royalties from songs they sold to car commercials. The former cloud student also makes the occasional talking-penis flicks, though they aren't widely distributed, for obvious reasons.

Source: Ethiopian Review